Faith & Understanding.

the most recent events in my life, have tested how strong i truly am. and where my faith lies. if i choose to obey the law in order for the people i love to recieve salvation. or to side with my flesh and live in this world with the person i believe was made for me. i went with the first choice. as painful as it is, i know in my heart it's absolutely right. unconditional love means to let go of people/things so that they/you can become better. in this case, it was the only choice. even if it didn't make sense. regardless of the decision made, you're still the only person i believe to have been made for me. even if we can't be together. you continue to hold steady your place even if we are not together. my love is unconditional and everlasting. there is no other person that can take your place or even come close. please believe it.

+FlyyGirlTiff.

Heartache & Heartbreak.

everyday that passes, you`ll still be my only love. before you is irrelevant, after you is non-existent. when we ended, everything ended. my love for you will run stronger than you could know. i will never be ok with the fact that we're not together. although i understand why, it will never settle with my heart that it is ok. being with you, being your wife was the only thing that made sense in my hectic life. i`m broken. and now that we are not together, there's nobody to pick up the pieces and to help keep me sane. call me crazy if you like. i call it being in love.

+FlyyGirlTiff.

And The Difference Is. . .

there is a fiiiiine line between sexual harrassment and sexual attention. somebody in the mail room makes a comment about your blouse while looking at the shirt and you're disgusted. some nobody with prada shoes says "damn you got a nice set of twins!" and you giggle. a man's status will set the bar on how you take a comment about your appearance. if you have a physical attraction to someone, you'll want that sexual attention and go to great lengths to get it. however if someone of a lower caliber makes a pass, it`s sexual harrassment. understandable that each situation is different, but most are quite similar. you're getting that sexual attention you wanted, but not who you wanted it from. ladies; if you dress provocatively, you're gonna get some unwanted attention. point blank. and no, i'm not making the age old excuse for rape where a woman is "asking for it" by wearing minimal clothes. all y'all gotta keep in mind is that if you wearin a shorts and a low cut belly shirt, do you really want the attention you get from the people that will give it? in reality, they have ONE thing on your mind. whoever said you hadda show skin to be sexy? so chill wit these sexual harrassment lawsuits. know what you're getting into when you're getting dressed.

+FlyyGirlTiff.

The Grey Area.

contrary to popular belief, i am NOT of African descent. so no, i'm not black. i'm actually 100% asian. to be specific, i'm Cambodian, Chinese, Vietnamese and Indian. my fiancè however IS of African descent. therefore, we are an interracial couple. while most people are cool with it, alotta people seem to have a problem with it as well. saying that it's cool that we happy but why would we date outside of our races? and there's soooo many black girls that really truly hate me cuz i "stole" a good black man. i didn`t "steal" anything that didn't belong to anyone else. i have his heart that he willingly gave me. what does it matter that we`re not the same ethnicity? we make each other happy and do any & EVERYthing for each other. what concern is it of yours if we aren't both black or both asian? love knows no boundaries, love has no pride and love is color blind. love is not accidental; it's predestined. and we were predestined for one another. so for all the ones against any interracial couples; you can suck on it. and you can quote me on that.

+FlyyGirlTiff.

Happy Anniversary.

to my baby;
it's exactly one year today since the day we met. i will never forget that day ever. with your silly comments and your ridiculous jokes. never have i met a man that wasn't intimidated by my past, nor have i ever met a man that was able to see me for who i really was, instead of just a pretty face with a nice little body. we've been through so much in the course of a year, all the lies and secrets you held. and it would have been easier to just walk away. but i couldn't. throughout everything, i chose to stay by your side. i love you so much, i can't begin to express it in words. but that love has gotten so much stronger since we both found God together. and as long as He wants us together, we will be. if He wanted me to leave you, He would have let me walk away a loooong time ago. beyond why i want you, need you, He also needs me to be here for you. and i could never stray away. nobody can do for me like you can. i'm so in love with your smile, your work ethic, your faith in God, your temper, and your passion for life. but what i love most is your flaws. they make you incomparable to everyone else. we're so much stronger now than ever and our relationship is made to last. i fall in love with you more and more everyday. it's so much i wanna say but words always seem to fail me. so let me do everything i've been doing and be as good a wife i can be. let me cook for you, clean for you, support you in every aspect of your life and keep you on the right path. because, God willing, i will never leave your side. i won't run ahead of you so you can eventually walk all over me, i won't follow behind you so i'm left in your dust. but i'll be standing tall at your side, holding your hand, and supporting the person i love more than anything or anyone. my bestfriend, my tag team partner, my everything and more. happy anniversary baby. i love you.

+FlyyGirlTiff.

Untitled

well goodmorning cyberworld. i know this is kinda early for me but it's been awhile since i wrote a blog and i'm already up anyways so why not write something for the public. lol.

so, anyways......i'm up early because i'm on the way to sacramento, ca to protest and rally against the justice system. i know right? those that don't know me too well probably like "tiffany? really?". lol. yes really. and i've been protesting against injustices and the like for quite some years now. but thas another story for another time. as i was getting on the freeway, there were still large puddles underneath the freeway going the opposite way from the recent rainfall. what caught my attention, however, was not the puddles itself but the man bathing in it. =( it really made me sit back and think that i am so fortunate. i took a LONG, hot shower this morning. this man is splashing around in a muddy puddle at attempts to be clean. it definitely made me appreciate what i have but it also made me look at certain people in a new light.

you know how there's just certain people that complain about EVERYTHING? yea well although my circle is mostly made up of extremely humble people, there's a few who will find any reason to be negative and complain about their situation when it's ultimately better than anyone else's in the room. i've heard people complain about the new clothes they or someone else just bought, about the size of their beds, about their phones, i've damn near heard it all. understand that there are people who don't have clothes to wear, who don't have a bed to lay in, who don't have a phone to complain about. personally, i feel like some people just take everything for granted. how could you sit there and cry about your boyfriend/girfriend not talking to you all day when there's people who have lost their spouses and, in some cases, entire families? stop thinking you have it the worst, cuz most likely you don't.

yes, it's understandable to be unhappy about certain things because you should always want more, want better things for yourself. but don't complain about the things you have been blessed to have. there is always someone who has less. can't get out of the shallow end and see other's people misfortune? well remember that YOU can always have less.

as for myself, i don't have everything i'd like to have but i have food in my tummy, a dry place to lay my head down when i'm tired, a closet full of options for everyday, TWO phones, my little baby ipod, and access to a car if i absolutely need it. to some people it may not be much, but to me? i'm living a life of luxury. =)

+FlyyGirlTiff.

Welcome Back, Welcome Back, Welcome Baaaack!

heyyy loves! back at it again. i'ma really try to keep constant with my blog now that i have an app for it on my phone. [gotta love technology right?] especially since i have so much to say and i don`t really care who knows. cuz you`ll only get a piece of it anyways. ;-) so anyhoo.....enjoy my rants, raves and randomness. =)

+FlyyGirlTiff.

Back At It Again.

ok ok. i been said i was gonna be on my blog more. i lied. lol. but here's a few minor updates. i've joined a church in antioch, fell deeply in love with my counterpart and cut out alot of bad influences in my life, even tho some have been there for years. it's just a step i'm taking to better myself. i used to think my life was so pitiful. blah blah blah. but i've realized i'm more blessed than i'd like to believe. and i'm now counting every blessing i have. alot of you would wanna do the same instead of focusing on what you don't have. that goes for material things as well. i understand it's christmas and all, and department stores have commercialized this holiday but that doesn't mean you have to be sucked into it as well. it's gotten sad to me. people are more concerned about what gifts they'll be getting, if it's even the gift they want. all i want for christmas is everyone to be happy. very cliche i know. but i mean it with honesty. i hope you all are happy but not because of what gift you may or may not get. but because someone you hold close and dear to your heart told you merry christmas or spent some time with you. like the old saying goes "money can't buy happiness" so go find your own. make it happen.

+FlyyGirlTiff.

The Comeback.

ok i realize i been m.i.a. from my blog for some time now but i'm back and i got soooo much to say. i'm starting to do reviews on music, fashion, everything else i so happen to be interested in so stay tuned!

+FlyyGirlTiff.

Untied Laces.

when you're little, and you just learned how to tie your shoes, you never tie em tight enough so you end up trippin and fallin all over yourself. but as you grow up, you tie em in a way they won't fall apart and make you hurt yourself. the same thing can be said when you like someone. you leave your laces untied, in hopes that the person you like will be the one to knot em together so you will no longer fall the wrong way and hurt yourself. for those that don't understand the metaphor, it's basically when you open yourself to someone and hope they'll reciprocate feelings so that you won't end up with hurt feelings and disappointment.

me, personally, i have a tendency to leave my laces untied. not purposely. i'd do it unbeknownst to myself. [how clueless. lol] but by doing that, i hurt my own feelings. shit i'm 19. i'm not grown cuz i still got ALOT of living to do. so some shit i do, i'd be unaware of doing. i can admit that. but i refuse to leave my laces untied just to fall and hurt myself. time to double knot em and whoever wants more from me gon have a hell of a job for themselves.

+FlyyGirlTiff.

Just Venting.

it`s been a long ass weekend for me. i lost my mind, had a nervous breakdown and an anxiety attack. phone got water damaged and everybody knows that insurance does NOT cover water damage. grrrr. needless to say, thursday through monday was probably the worst 5 days of my short life. bad things happen in 3s right? well shit happened to me in 4s, 5s, 6s, etc.

and to top it all off, multiple exes that i haven't heard from in years, have been randomly popping up and wanting to rekindle what once was. uhm, i'ma believer in the fact you always gotta go back to your past to have a better look into your future but i'm not gonna let you back into my presence for you to ruin it again like you did my past. wtf i look like? to accept you back, any of you pitiful exes, it wouldn't be a smart move on my part and it would be detrimental to your health and well-being because i'm likely to go crazy and spill battery acid on your bare skin. >=) lmao. but in all seriousness, if you were an ex, or someone from the past, i'm not gonna give you a 2nd chance. it's no longer in my character to be so forgiving and understanding. if i actually choose to converse with you, but i'm short and attitudinal with my answers, take it as a hint and move along. cuz i surely have.

+FlyyGirlTiff.

A Public Letter Of Apology.

to a certain handful of men:
if i ever told you i cared about you, this is for you. not everything may apply to you, but when you read it, you will find an apology that will make you think of yourself and specific shit i did.

i apologize for never asking questions that didn't need to be asked. [where you going, who you with, who else you fucking?] i apologize for bringing you food when you were starving. i apologize for waking up in the dead of night to answer my phone when you called. i apologize for coming to see you and spending the night with you after something traumatizing happened, when nobody else would. i apologize for giving you the last of my money to make sure you had something in your pockets when you didn't have a job. i apologize for saying "i love you" when i meant it. i apologize for missing you when you were gone. i apologize for being one of the few women you could trust and confide in. i apologize for neglecting and overlooking the flaws you had. i apologize for thinking you were perfect because you made mistakes. i apologize for supporting every move you made, even if it was against my better judgement. i apologize for the endless hours of lovemaking that made you fall asleep in my arms. i apologize for being the ONLY girl you trusted in your home alone. i apologize for being your first love. i apologize for meeting your parents and being so courteous that they still ask about me. i apologize for letting you use my phone for a week when yours was out of commission. i apologize for getting you your only christmas gift in 2005. i apologize for being the only one to tell you happy birthday one year. i apologize for waking up at 8am to make breakfast for you and your 2 friends before taking bart back home. i apologize for having the faith in you that you wouldn't cheat on me. [again]. i apologize for thinking you were human and would always make mistakes, but still loved you in spite of it. i apologize for staying up late hours for consecutive days, talking to you about everything that was bothering you. i apologize for not being upset with you after you lost my ipod. i apologize for knowing that i'm not perfect and admitting to every time i made a mistake. i apologize for being the last person standing by your side every time after the dust settled.

yes that is alot to apologize for but let's get one thing straight. i do apologize for it all but i am NOT, i repeat, i am NOT,
SORRY! and you will never hear me say that. simply because i am not a sorry person. yes, i've made mistakes that i can own up to but none of those mistakes classify me as "sorry". for those specific few that i'm addressing this letter of apology towards? as a person, i was disappointed by you that you took me for granted. but as a woman, a mature woman for the tender age of 19, i understand absolutely why each of you have done what you did. although you are outstandingly different, you are all remarkably the same. while your style, speech, friends and dreams may differ, you are all still young men chasing after what young men chase after. money and women. yes women. plural. none of you are ready to be tied down to any one woman. which is completely understandable. but me? and other young women like myself, won't always be in the shadows waiting for you to be ready. to wrap this up, i'm basically apologizing for being everything you obviously WEREN'T ready for.

+FlyyGirlTiff.

Rumors.

i been hearing alot of rumors floating around lately. mostly about ME but it's funny. the people spreading rumors are people i used to be close to. people i used to be with alot. never confided in them much cuz i have trust issues but they were around. whas even funnier is that the rumors they're spreading about me, are truths about them! don't try to make me a scapegoat to take shame off yourself. i don't give a fuck what people say or think but don't spread no false shit. i ain't hardly tryna hear it. do you really want me to say some incriminting shit? like the girl who said i was fucking on my stepdad and was pregnant by him. you must not want nobody to know how scandalous you are for doing that. your momma gon have a fit when that baby pop out lookin like her husband. shit how stupid does that look on you?! for doing that and for saying it was me?! bitch i ain't even got no stepdad! or the bitch that got fucked by a corona bottle in a room full of niggas, videotaped and all the shit but said it was me. uhhh i saw that tape and i seen your face. strangely enough, it looked like you was enjoying that shit. if thas the case, i got some niggas for you lil mama.

i can go on and on but this blog would be entirely too long. i'ma just end it with this: don't be the first to throw rocks when you live in a glass house. cuz i got enough ammunition to shatter them ALL.

+FlyyGirlTiff.

Love's Deceit.

i've been bamboozled by love's deceit/the feeling of vacancy has never cut so deep/my soul is so broken, you made me so weak/my mind is frazzled, my feelings scattered/nothing else in my world right now seems to matter/3 words you said you could have never meant/more than just a surface wound, it has more depth/deeper than you can imagine, than you can possibly know/it`s more painful to feel because it doesn`t show/no wounds to see, no bruises from blows/such an unexpected turn of events/i suppose/it's to keep me alert, keep me on my toes/but it`s made me reclusive, my heart is closed/could you understand the damage you've caused, the energy you stole/impossible to believe that you still have me in a hold/ing onto what i can only dream of occurring between you and i/how amazing after all that you've done to me, i'm still at your side/faithfully, loyally, a true ride or die/but you will never know because this love story we tell is nothing but lies.

+FlyyGirlTiff.
p.s. feel free to comment. feedback is necessary on this one. thanks.

Pre-Teen Parents!

i couldn't believe this article when i read it. a 13 year old boy and 15 year old girl have a newborn baby girl in Britain. what is the world coming to? the link is below. read the article for yourself.

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2233878.ece

+FlyyGirlTiff.

Ain't Shit Niggas, Ain't Shit Bitches.

arrite. i been hearin alot of girls say that niggas ain't shit and niggas sayin the same thing about females. well here's my philosophy on that statement and others like it.

the people that say someone else "ain't shit" don't got shit going for themselves. ain't it funny how ALLLLL the people they fuck wit "ain't shit"? ever think yo ass wasn't shit either? maybe thas why you keep attracting someone that "ain't shit".

or when someone says "that nigga ain't shit" or "that bitch weak as fuck" is cuz they didn't do something you expected. the shit ain't in they character to break their back for you. they're strong minded and used to doing things of their own accord. y'all 2 different people that ain't got no business being together. lol.

OR it's someone that is stuck in some awful ass pattern of fucking wit the same type of person. like when a nigga ONLY talks to boppin ass hoodrats and wonders why he burnin EVERY time he fuck wit a new bitch. or when a female STAYS talkin to niggas that disrespect her on multiple levels and wonders why EVERY nigga she talk to calls her a bitch. you would think they'd break out them patterns and do better than what they did before.

sike! the human subconscious subjects certain people to put up with shit they shouldn't because of the THOUGHT of love. the THOUGHT of being in love is as appealing to them as ACTUALLY being in love. [tricky little bastard that love is.]

so before you let the words "you ain't shit" slip from your mouth, betta take a second to think about why you saying it.

+FlyyGirlTiff.

Questions about MY first love.

man. so remember the blog i wrote about my first love moving on? alot of people have been asking me if we've spoken recently. yes we have, but the conversation was short. there's not alot to say to each other anymore. but there's a few questions people keep asking me so i'll answer em all here. the first ["have you spoke to him?"] question i already answered. here's the other FAQs.

-"do you still love him?"
of course i do. when it's a first love, that shit never goes away easily. we aren't supposed to be together and that's something i'm living with.

-"if you love him still, why won't you tell him?"
i have. he knows. he's in love with someone else so how i feel about him isn't as important as how she feels about him. which is the way it should be. i truly hope she makes him happy cuz he deserves the best, someone that'll always be there for him. when he needs her most and when he thinks he doesn't need her at all.

-"why are you acting so strong about it when it must kill you to see him happy with someone else?"
i'm not acting. i am strong. our love didn't sustain. just a lesson of life that i learned from. and no it doesn't kill me to see him happy with someone else. he's happy. thas all that matters to me. he's happy, i'm happy. even if it's not with me.

-"do you think y'all could ever work back out?"
i don't think along those lines. it's something i consider in my past and thas where i DON'T live. i live for now, for today, for tomorrow. it's always possible to be back with someone from your past but it's not something to dwell on. so i don't.

now! i feel i answered every question asked. and please stop updating me on his actions and the latest person he's talking to. if he really wanted me to know, he'd tell me himself. or i'd ask. he doesn't and i don't so that means we have 2 lives that don't cross paths anymore. so stop tryna force them to cross.

+FlyyGirlTiff.

Sex. I Need It!

yo so i tried the relationship thing. didn't work out. celibacy thing. REALLY didn't work out. lol. yes, some women run around boppin and it's not a good look and sex USED to be about expressing love. over generations, it's changed intensely. some women used sex as a form of liberation. some men used sex as a form of domination. shit, can't it be an even trade? can i just get my nut off and go about my day? people look down on casual sex but not EVERYBODY is willing to settle for less so they can have a "REAL" relationship. sometimes it's best not to have no strings attached. it's always good to know you got that ONE person that you can call late at night when you in the mood to take some shit down and KNOW they gon give it to you right. ayyyyyyeeeeee!!!! =D shit you can say whatchu want, think whatchu want but it's real. why settle for less than you deserve to be in some dead end relationship just so you can have a title when you can have the same thing with someone but without the emotional drama, the constant bickering, etc.? don't get me wrong, a relationship is cool to be in if thas what you lookin for. i just ain't lookin for that right now. i don't have the patience to deal with another person's emotions right now. i'll stick to my cuddy buddy, thank you. =) speaking of......private dancer, expect a 3am aim. ;-) lmao.

+FlyyGirlTiff.

Crazy Ass Night.

first off, to hell wit preppy sensation. they dj is wack and their crowds are racket. i ain't fuckin wit none of their parties ever again. i went with csb, my brother chanel, 2 other girls and met up wit a whole bunch of my friends there. dusty ass niggas was smellin like wet dog and racket ass bitches was hollin some bullshit. then somebody got shot. like really? afterwards, dude that was wit my friend got profiled. they said the shooter had dreads. ok uhm dude had braids. but they had him against the wall for hella long. like how long does it take to determine the difference between dreads and braids? me and the girls i went with stayed with my other friend and his patnas for awhile cuz they taped off where the boy got shot at but his car was within the tape's boundaries. but since it was raining, we couldn't stay long. we left them at like 2.30 and my friend didn't get back to richmond til 4.30! all in all, it was fuckin crazy. i'm in need of sleep. but i've already slept 9 hours. catch me later. lol.

+FlyyGirlTiff.
p.s. shouts to the magician rancey so nasty of LNS. ask him what his specialty is. ;-)

Friday The 13th

first off, lemme say happy valentine's day. =) so friday the 13th. freaky friday. smh. the first thing i wake up to is an aim from my ex. i made a mistake in our relationship but we still kept it cool ya know? always talked, kept in touch, updated each other with our days. but everybody know the situation with my moms so y'all know i ain`t really been talking to nobody. well he took it personal and took it upon himself to hit me on my aim saying that he can see that i did what i did to release myself of feelings for him,.that he ain't never gon bother me again and let me live my life. i never once told this boy anything of the sort but i wouldn't have no issue telling him so. but i don't feel that way. i enjoy his conversation. but by him throwing that pity party on himself made me mad. i'm not finna feel bad for you cuz you feel bad for yourself. it definitely sucks that you feel the way you do, but thas not my problem cuz it ain't my job to satisfy you anymore. we broke up back in august so you saying that i've changed and that the love isn't same? uhhhhh....duh! we've been broken up for how long?! of course the love ain't gon be the same! but you definitely ain't helping yourself and your situation by tryna make me feel bad.

anyways, i spent the day with my csb. took the twins, diamond and pearl, to take pictures. they're so cute! hella bad tho. diamond smacked the shit outta me twice and pearl was scratchin the hell outta csb. lol. but they finally calmed down after some fries from mickey d's. [my kinda kids. lmao] after that, we went to work the door for my sis rokkie's momma party. i seen 2 OG's hittin the electric slide. i swear they had all the dance moves back then. lmao. but some old folks dance hella funny. they'll be grinding and shit but 4 feet from each other. lmao. and 2 OG's was on csb somethin tough. one of em had a squirrel on his head. lol. [go biiiittttttcccchhhh!!!!] they had hella free food. you know i was on it. lol. but i seen alot of older couples and shit and it made me like damn. i couldn't do it. lookin like they been together 40 years and got a shitload of kids and grandkids. smh. not meeeeee. i'm too happy being single. lol. i must say, it was a good ass friday. =)

+FlyyGirlTiff.