Back At It Again.

ok ok. i been said i was gonna be on my blog more. i lied. lol. but here's a few minor updates. i've joined a church in antioch, fell deeply in love with my counterpart and cut out alot of bad influences in my life, even tho some have been there for years. it's just a step i'm taking to better myself. i used to think my life was so pitiful. blah blah blah. but i've realized i'm more blessed than i'd like to believe. and i'm now counting every blessing i have. alot of you would wanna do the same instead of focusing on what you don't have. that goes for material things as well. i understand it's christmas and all, and department stores have commercialized this holiday but that doesn't mean you have to be sucked into it as well. it's gotten sad to me. people are more concerned about what gifts they'll be getting, if it's even the gift they want. all i want for christmas is everyone to be happy. very cliche i know. but i mean it with honesty. i hope you all are happy but not because of what gift you may or may not get. but because someone you hold close and dear to your heart told you merry christmas or spent some time with you. like the old saying goes "money can't buy happiness" so go find your own. make it happen.

+FlyyGirlTiff.

The Comeback.

ok i realize i been m.i.a. from my blog for some time now but i'm back and i got soooo much to say. i'm starting to do reviews on music, fashion, everything else i so happen to be interested in so stay tuned!

+FlyyGirlTiff.

Untied Laces.

when you're little, and you just learned how to tie your shoes, you never tie em tight enough so you end up trippin and fallin all over yourself. but as you grow up, you tie em in a way they won't fall apart and make you hurt yourself. the same thing can be said when you like someone. you leave your laces untied, in hopes that the person you like will be the one to knot em together so you will no longer fall the wrong way and hurt yourself. for those that don't understand the metaphor, it's basically when you open yourself to someone and hope they'll reciprocate feelings so that you won't end up with hurt feelings and disappointment.

me, personally, i have a tendency to leave my laces untied. not purposely. i'd do it unbeknownst to myself. [how clueless. lol] but by doing that, i hurt my own feelings. shit i'm 19. i'm not grown cuz i still got ALOT of living to do. so some shit i do, i'd be unaware of doing. i can admit that. but i refuse to leave my laces untied just to fall and hurt myself. time to double knot em and whoever wants more from me gon have a hell of a job for themselves.

+FlyyGirlTiff.

Just Venting.

it`s been a long ass weekend for me. i lost my mind, had a nervous breakdown and an anxiety attack. phone got water damaged and everybody knows that insurance does NOT cover water damage. grrrr. needless to say, thursday through monday was probably the worst 5 days of my short life. bad things happen in 3s right? well shit happened to me in 4s, 5s, 6s, etc.

and to top it all off, multiple exes that i haven't heard from in years, have been randomly popping up and wanting to rekindle what once was. uhm, i'ma believer in the fact you always gotta go back to your past to have a better look into your future but i'm not gonna let you back into my presence for you to ruin it again like you did my past. wtf i look like? to accept you back, any of you pitiful exes, it wouldn't be a smart move on my part and it would be detrimental to your health and well-being because i'm likely to go crazy and spill battery acid on your bare skin. >=) lmao. but in all seriousness, if you were an ex, or someone from the past, i'm not gonna give you a 2nd chance. it's no longer in my character to be so forgiving and understanding. if i actually choose to converse with you, but i'm short and attitudinal with my answers, take it as a hint and move along. cuz i surely have.

+FlyyGirlTiff.

A Public Letter Of Apology.

to a certain handful of men:
if i ever told you i cared about you, this is for you. not everything may apply to you, but when you read it, you will find an apology that will make you think of yourself and specific shit i did.

i apologize for never asking questions that didn't need to be asked. [where you going, who you with, who else you fucking?] i apologize for bringing you food when you were starving. i apologize for waking up in the dead of night to answer my phone when you called. i apologize for coming to see you and spending the night with you after something traumatizing happened, when nobody else would. i apologize for giving you the last of my money to make sure you had something in your pockets when you didn't have a job. i apologize for saying "i love you" when i meant it. i apologize for missing you when you were gone. i apologize for being one of the few women you could trust and confide in. i apologize for neglecting and overlooking the flaws you had. i apologize for thinking you were perfect because you made mistakes. i apologize for supporting every move you made, even if it was against my better judgement. i apologize for the endless hours of lovemaking that made you fall asleep in my arms. i apologize for being the ONLY girl you trusted in your home alone. i apologize for being your first love. i apologize for meeting your parents and being so courteous that they still ask about me. i apologize for letting you use my phone for a week when yours was out of commission. i apologize for getting you your only christmas gift in 2005. i apologize for being the only one to tell you happy birthday one year. i apologize for waking up at 8am to make breakfast for you and your 2 friends before taking bart back home. i apologize for having the faith in you that you wouldn't cheat on me. [again]. i apologize for thinking you were human and would always make mistakes, but still loved you in spite of it. i apologize for staying up late hours for consecutive days, talking to you about everything that was bothering you. i apologize for not being upset with you after you lost my ipod. i apologize for knowing that i'm not perfect and admitting to every time i made a mistake. i apologize for being the last person standing by your side every time after the dust settled.

yes that is alot to apologize for but let's get one thing straight. i do apologize for it all but i am NOT, i repeat, i am NOT,
SORRY! and you will never hear me say that. simply because i am not a sorry person. yes, i've made mistakes that i can own up to but none of those mistakes classify me as "sorry". for those specific few that i'm addressing this letter of apology towards? as a person, i was disappointed by you that you took me for granted. but as a woman, a mature woman for the tender age of 19, i understand absolutely why each of you have done what you did. although you are outstandingly different, you are all remarkably the same. while your style, speech, friends and dreams may differ, you are all still young men chasing after what young men chase after. money and women. yes women. plural. none of you are ready to be tied down to any one woman. which is completely understandable. but me? and other young women like myself, won't always be in the shadows waiting for you to be ready. to wrap this up, i'm basically apologizing for being everything you obviously WEREN'T ready for.

+FlyyGirlTiff.

Rumors.

i been hearing alot of rumors floating around lately. mostly about ME but it's funny. the people spreading rumors are people i used to be close to. people i used to be with alot. never confided in them much cuz i have trust issues but they were around. whas even funnier is that the rumors they're spreading about me, are truths about them! don't try to make me a scapegoat to take shame off yourself. i don't give a fuck what people say or think but don't spread no false shit. i ain't hardly tryna hear it. do you really want me to say some incriminting shit? like the girl who said i was fucking on my stepdad and was pregnant by him. you must not want nobody to know how scandalous you are for doing that. your momma gon have a fit when that baby pop out lookin like her husband. shit how stupid does that look on you?! for doing that and for saying it was me?! bitch i ain't even got no stepdad! or the bitch that got fucked by a corona bottle in a room full of niggas, videotaped and all the shit but said it was me. uhhh i saw that tape and i seen your face. strangely enough, it looked like you was enjoying that shit. if thas the case, i got some niggas for you lil mama.

i can go on and on but this blog would be entirely too long. i'ma just end it with this: don't be the first to throw rocks when you live in a glass house. cuz i got enough ammunition to shatter them ALL.

+FlyyGirlTiff.

Love's Deceit.

i've been bamboozled by love's deceit/the feeling of vacancy has never cut so deep/my soul is so broken, you made me so weak/my mind is frazzled, my feelings scattered/nothing else in my world right now seems to matter/3 words you said you could have never meant/more than just a surface wound, it has more depth/deeper than you can imagine, than you can possibly know/it`s more painful to feel because it doesn`t show/no wounds to see, no bruises from blows/such an unexpected turn of events/i suppose/it's to keep me alert, keep me on my toes/but it`s made me reclusive, my heart is closed/could you understand the damage you've caused, the energy you stole/impossible to believe that you still have me in a hold/ing onto what i can only dream of occurring between you and i/how amazing after all that you've done to me, i'm still at your side/faithfully, loyally, a true ride or die/but you will never know because this love story we tell is nothing but lies.

+FlyyGirlTiff.
p.s. feel free to comment. feedback is necessary on this one. thanks.