A Public Letter Of Apology.

to a certain handful of men:
if i ever told you i cared about you, this is for you. not everything may apply to you, but when you read it, you will find an apology that will make you think of yourself and specific shit i did.

i apologize for never asking questions that didn't need to be asked. [where you going, who you with, who else you fucking?] i apologize for bringing you food when you were starving. i apologize for waking up in the dead of night to answer my phone when you called. i apologize for coming to see you and spending the night with you after something traumatizing happened, when nobody else would. i apologize for giving you the last of my money to make sure you had something in your pockets when you didn't have a job. i apologize for saying "i love you" when i meant it. i apologize for missing you when you were gone. i apologize for being one of the few women you could trust and confide in. i apologize for neglecting and overlooking the flaws you had. i apologize for thinking you were perfect because you made mistakes. i apologize for supporting every move you made, even if it was against my better judgement. i apologize for the endless hours of lovemaking that made you fall asleep in my arms. i apologize for being the ONLY girl you trusted in your home alone. i apologize for being your first love. i apologize for meeting your parents and being so courteous that they still ask about me. i apologize for letting you use my phone for a week when yours was out of commission. i apologize for getting you your only christmas gift in 2005. i apologize for being the only one to tell you happy birthday one year. i apologize for waking up at 8am to make breakfast for you and your 2 friends before taking bart back home. i apologize for having the faith in you that you wouldn't cheat on me. [again]. i apologize for thinking you were human and would always make mistakes, but still loved you in spite of it. i apologize for staying up late hours for consecutive days, talking to you about everything that was bothering you. i apologize for not being upset with you after you lost my ipod. i apologize for knowing that i'm not perfect and admitting to every time i made a mistake. i apologize for being the last person standing by your side every time after the dust settled.

yes that is alot to apologize for but let's get one thing straight. i do apologize for it all but i am NOT, i repeat, i am NOT,
SORRY! and you will never hear me say that. simply because i am not a sorry person. yes, i've made mistakes that i can own up to but none of those mistakes classify me as "sorry". for those specific few that i'm addressing this letter of apology towards? as a person, i was disappointed by you that you took me for granted. but as a woman, a mature woman for the tender age of 19, i understand absolutely why each of you have done what you did. although you are outstandingly different, you are all remarkably the same. while your style, speech, friends and dreams may differ, you are all still young men chasing after what young men chase after. money and women. yes women. plural. none of you are ready to be tied down to any one woman. which is completely understandable. but me? and other young women like myself, won't always be in the shadows waiting for you to be ready. to wrap this up, i'm basically apologizing for being everything you obviously WEREN'T ready for.

+FlyyGirlTiff.